the wish sandwich -Anti Chef

-you read it right, the wish sandwich. Everybody has heard that one right? Although there are many versions of the joke, I will paraphrase. "Does anyone know what a wish sandwich is? No. What is a wish sandwich? well, a wish sandwich is when you have two slices of bread and you wish you had some meat..." I think I heard it first on Dr. Demento, or was it the Blues Brothers? I forget. The callous truth is, many kids and parents alike will spend a night or two, or more this winter lacking even the bread to fill with that wish.

A good friend of mine, and a bit of a moral compass for me asked me when I first told him about this blog idea, "has anyone given thought to a feature on why American's, among all the other cultures of people in the world actually HAVE a problem with too many leftovers? Has anyone wondered why out of all the people on the face of the planet WE seem to have so much food to throw away?" The thought hit me right out of left field, and I simply responded with something like "hey, that's a great topic for discussion...and I'm sure there will be a message board, or somewhere you can write in and pose that question for others to write in on...". So, on behalf a man that has treated me like a little brother, I offer this.

I like to consider myself quite the comedian sometimes. I take pot shots at celebrity chefs, and write things on here that are sometimes foolish, self centered and cold. I have learned that behavior growing up in this nation, full of cynicism. But that is not all that this nation of ours is comprised of. Our nation is full of loving, caring, compassionate people, who if given the chance, will generally jump to the aid of a fellow citizen, or neighbor in need. This is in my opinion among the qualities that once made America a leader among nations of men. These days it seems however, that it is becoming increasingly hard for our friends and neighbors to make ends meet. There is an expression that I coined around some of my smart alack friends..."the bottom is the new top". What I mean mean by this is simple. In our current economic climate, the ones who have been broke for the last ten, twenty, thirty years or so, haven't really felt all that much change in the quality of life. However, if you are one of those in this country that is used to earning six figures or so, or have had money tied up in the stock market, or other financial institutions then you may be experiencing a world of hurt. Much like the working poor have since my mother's day, and of her mother's ilk before her. I recently listened carefully to a Mr. Bernanke, who is the Chairman of the Federal Reserve comment that this nation is now comprised of two different societies. He stated that for the college graduate unemployment is around 5%, whereas for high school graduates the unemployment rate is around 10%. It is no secret that there is the greatest disparity between the wealthy and poor of our nation in it's history. I could go on about many of the socioeconomic factors contributing to this fact,but it would only be one opinion without much fact to support it, and heck, this is really a platform for sharing recipes for, as i like to call it..."the creative re-use of food". So I digress.

I would just like to come forward and say that even with all the neat ideas that my friends and I throw up here with the pretty pictures, and the smooth vernacular, I waste too damned much of everything. I try to be a good citizen and help the folks around that have less than me, but I can find ways to do more. I feel that I am not alone in this stew of dereliction. I have stood behind men in cashiers' lines at the local market, and witnessed the berating of clerks over the simple asking of that patron to round up their purchase to the nearest dollar to benefit starving, or cancerous kids somewhere. And say what you will about the waste, and skimming done by some charities, rather, use that as an excuse to not spend seven dollars as opposed to $6.43 if you choose to, but really? Does that little bit of change that may just as well be lost in the seat of your car moments later really make that much of a difference in your life? If so, write me. I have 57 cents for you. And I will post your name and address on this blog so that others may donate as well. There is a time for being tight because it all adds up, but also a time to loosen up, because of how it really all adds up. Think.

Just last week, my wife and I were going to the grocery store to but some things we needed, and some of that I am sure would eventually get wasted. There were folks out on the curb from the local food pantry asking passers by to please remember the less fortunate in the community, and were handing out little scraps of paper with a list of food items which they hoped to collect. I won't go into the stress that trip to the grocer was putting on our budget, with rent due and an ailing pet, but I asked my wife to help me remember to find at least one small donation, a can of beans, for the seasonal bags being stuffed for the needy. My mother taught me that even if you only have 50 cents in your pocket, why not throw it in the Charity Kettle. In other words, she said, what more good could it do for you to hang on to? Well this past week, as my wife was heading to the same grocery store, I received a text message from a friend. It read simply "go to the nearest Harris Teeter and find a manager and tell them your name." I forwarded the instructions to my wife, and she was surprised to be handed $250.00 worth of gift cards. When she texted me back, shocked, moved...I returned her text "just thank God your husband hasn't always been such an asshole." And as I recalled the story later to my mother, and with my wife present, my voice cracked, as I humbly, and tearfully recalled the can of beans for the food drive, and the 57 cents for the cancer kids...and said "that's why....that is why we give, because there are always those with less than we have, no matter how little we may think we have."

I gotta wrap this recipe up I think. There is really only one ingredient that matters here. Compassion. You don't even have to know or love someone to help them out, to open your heart, or your wallet, or your calendar...and show someone less fortunate a little compassion. You may even choose to do so anonymously. This time of year, all over the country there are programs like Empty Bowls, and local food pantries which desperately need a little bit of your time, your money, and/or your compassion to help them make someone's tummy, or somebody's kid's tummy a little less grumbly on these cold winter nights. So please, think of how much you have thrown away this year. Not just old food, but time, money and resources on frivolity and self gratifying luxury. And throw that 50 cents in the Kettle, or buy that can of beans, if that is the least of what your life can afford.


-And Jojo, sorry I couldn't do more than the wish sandwich with your query...but what do you want for nothin' ...a rubber biscuit?

: ) -ac

THIS WEEK'S HOBO! ~ Potato Patties ~ -Lulabelle

When I was little my mother would make mashed potatoes and sometimes we had leftovers hanging around after a couple of days.  At this point it seemed as though there weren't quite enough for everyone to have a decent sized serving.  This was during the years of Reagan-omics ---- we were stretching things as far as they could go!  As I got older and learned more about various religious traditions, cultures, and foods I learned that what my southern mother made from leftover mashed potatoes were known to others as Latkes.  Unlike Latkes, which are most commonly served during the 8 days of Hanukkah (and bring with them cultural and religious significance) potato patties are served during the 3rd day of Leftovers during which we celebrate the stretched wallet and the full tummy.  And maybe, aspects of that aren't altogether different from the Hanukkah story after all?

You've got your leftover mashed potatoes and we know those can vary in consistency which means that the recipe is more flexible--- you'll have to roll with the punches as they say.  Grandaddy was a cook in the Army Air Corps during World War II and he really was instrumental in teaching me and my mother how to cook.  As a result I can make larger meals better than smaller, can make do with whatever I've go around and I'm not afraid to try and make something work!  I think these are good traits for anyone who wants to cook on a budget:  use what you've got, don't be afraid to try something new and make the best of your results.  Let's get to it y'all!

Step 1:      Evaluate the mashed potatoes are they mushy or more firm?  That will effect the amount of milk you'll add (if any).  

Step 2:      Break yourself on egg and mix it into the bowl of mashed potatoes- you can use a whisk or even a mixer but a fork or washed hands do the job just             

                 as well!

Step 3:      Re-evaluate the consistency and it is more like pancake or cake batter you'll want to thicken it up a bit so that it doesn't run when you drop it in the     

                 pan. If you wish to thicken it up you can do any number of things like add a bit of flour or add some leftover black, kidney or pinto beans if you had   

                 them - they've got enough starch to thicken it up a bit.  If you had corn you could add that as well.  I prefer to add something like the corn or beans   

                 because they've got a bit more nutrients than just flour.  Don't be afraid to try different sorts of flour- try cornmeal or oat instead of just flour.

Step 4:       Get out your skillet/ frying pan and spritz it with your oil of choice.  I try to be a health conscious girl (it makes me feel better when I NEED some
                  kind of special treat that is NOT healthy!!) Some people believe in Canola Oil and others support Olive Oil and either of these will do the job.  I    

                  grew up southern but with a mother who was concerned about weight control and healthier eating and my cooking style reflects that.  Take  
                  ownership of your own styles!

Step 5:       Spritz your pan- I'm not deep frying these things!  And heat it up a bit on low.  While that gets going form your little patties (they should be about 

                  as thick as you'd make a cookie) before placing them in the pan to cook.  From this point on you'll handle them like a regular pancake- check them 

                  with a tooth pick or fork to see when they're done.

Potato Patties can be served for dinner that evening and even may be around for the next day depending on how many you made.  Maybe a little soysage biscuit could be put together using the patties instead of the biscuit.  And by all means feel free to adapt this recipe to your family and your leftovers.  I love spinach and think that might be a great thing to throw in as well as onions, maybe even pepper, summer squash... the possibilities are endless!  Take inspiration from Latkes- they have some great traditions of putting applesauce and other sweet as well as savory toppings on the Latkes.  Use something other than left over potato products, too!  Give it a shot!  You never know what you might find!  Maybe some leftover chicken would be tasty... and cheese seems to be popular as well.

Pizza Dough -killertomato

People tend to visibly recoil when you start talking about making pizza dough at home, so I'm going to give you the easiest recipe I know of, because I really want you to make pizza!

When it seems like there's nothing to eat in the house, you can pull together something really fun and filling using some flour, yeast and whatever you've got on hand. You can do anything you want, just as long as you don't ever refer to it as "'za" around me- for some reason that grates on my last nerve like gravel on a sharpening stone.

We've made pesto pizza when we didn't have cheese, done a "Mexican" style pizza with leftover grilled chicken, stewed tomatoes with lime and garlic topped with some cheddar and jack, and I know there's a hotdog pizza that's popular in Germany that I haven't tried because my history with 'dogs has been a rocky one. Another time recently, I was too lazy to make tomato sauce and just layered fresh tomatoes with salt and pepper over an olive oil brushed pie, topped with mozzarella and basil. Yum!

The dough:
1 package active dry yeast
1 1/2 c. warm water (105 degrees)
1 Tbsp. olive oil
2 Tbsp. salt
4 c. all purpose flour

Stand Mixer:
In the bottom of mixing bowl, put warm water and sprinkle in yeast, let stand 10 minutes. Add oil and stir with finger. Add flour and salt then knead with dough hook attachment for 2 minutes on low, then 10 minutes on medium, then rest for 5 minutes, then mix 10 minutes more.
Let rise overnight in the refrigerator covered in an oiled bowl.

By hand:
Sprinkle yeast into measuring cup with warm water, let stand for 10 minutes, add oil. Combine salt and half of flour in a large bowl. Add liquid and use wooden spoon to combine.Add remaining flour and stir until cohesive mass forms. Turn dough out onto lightly floured work surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes. If you've not kneaded by hand before, you lightly roll the dough towards you and push away with the heel of your palm over and over. Try not to put too much pressure on the dough and it will thank you later. Form into a ball and let rise overnight in covered, oiled bowl.

Now you can roll out the dough into a circle with a rolling pin or practice hand tossing it. I recommend the latter. It's fun when you get it down so just keep practicing with any extra pieces of dough that are left. Eventually, I'd like to get to a place on this blog where I can upload my own video demos, for now I suggest heading over to YouTube with a search for hand tossed pizza dough.

You'll be baking your pizza in the hottest oven you can at home, that's typically about 500 degrees in a conventional oven. We began to suspect that we made enough pizzas this summer to raise our power bill and actually tried grilling them on a pizza stone outside over the charcoal grill with the lid pulled down. It kind of worked...but needs tweaking. More on that later!

Carolina Persimmon Puddin' -Anti Chef

Well, now that Thanksgiving is behind us, and all the food television is moving on to the next holiday season (can we still call it a season?) I figure it would be a good opportunity to post a recipe that has been a favorite of the good folks of the North Carolina Outer Banks for the last couple hundred years. I work as a tour guide most of the year now, in a little place called Carova Beach. It's tucked in between Corolla, NC and the Virginia border...where the Wild Spanish Mustangs still roam free and you can only access your home or vacation paradise by four wheel drive vehicle. Many different species of wild and edible plants and animals live there. Aside from the horses, we also have wild boar (tasty), raccoons,duck potatoes, opossum, white tailed deer, cat tails (yeah, they have an edible shoot like bamboo), and Bob White quail...to mention a few.

This time of the year is one of my favorite times. Not only have all the tourists gone home, leaving the beaches and dunes to us, but the last of the summer fruit hangs heavy on bare branches just waiting to be eaten. The leafless orchards remind me of jack-o-lantern trees once the oblong leaves turn red and finally fall off, leaving behind the ripening pumpkin colored fruit. Every creature in the north beach loves to grub on the persimmons, from the horses to the crabby folks at the Carova Beach Volunteer Fire Department. My Great Aunt lived up there for more than forty years, and among the dishes we looked forward to during the cold weather holidays was Persimmon Puddin(g). My Uncle was a crabber, so we always had crab dip, or crab cakes in early fall, and rockfish (striped bass) in the winter...but the persimmons were always the unlikely, but delicious star of this season's Holiday spread. They grow WILD all over the place, dispersed by all the industrious and hungry quadrupeds, and all you have to do is pick yourself a bunch and get to it. Just make sure that they are ripe, for if not, they will turn your face inside out. It's always fun to watch a young'un figure this fact out for the first time. Harmless and fun. They usually ripen after the first frost, which rarely comes early for us...just right for setting us up for Christmas desserts. I hope you enjoy this as much as we do, once left alone to our Autumnal wanderings, out here in the middle of nowhere. So without further, - yeah....yeah...yeah.... you will need enough ripe persimmons to yield around two cups of pulp once the skins and seeds are removed.

ingredients:

2c. persimmon pulp

3 c. milk

2 c. sugar

2 eggs

2 c. all purpose flour

1 t. baking powder

1 t. baking soda

1 t. vanilla

-dash of cinnamon

(some fools use nuts, chopped, one half cup)

whipped cream

method:

- preheat your oven to 350 degrees

- puree the skinned and seeded pulp in a food processor

- in one large bowl, whisk together dry ingredients

- in another large bowl combine the pulp, milk, sugar, eggs and vanilla and beat well

- add the dry ingredients to the wet, combining thoroughly ( this is where some jack asses might add nuts)

- pour mixture into an 9" x 13" baking dish (you don't need to grease it)

- bake for 65 to 75 minutes, or until the blade of a thin knife comes out clean

- serve it warm, with the whipped cream.

- tell somebody you made it, they might be impressed.

HEAT Us Cheap -The (vegetable) Butcher

~from Cutiepie:  Hey y'all!  Our first hobo, The (vegetable) Butcher, is one smart mother-shut-your-mouth.  He can do stuff with a half rotten fridge that is better left untold...yet somehow hasn't killed anyone and leaves them wanting more...enjoy the treasure that a lucky few have known about for years...

---I used to cut up cows, now I cut up carrots...you won't find any strict rules with me as I'm a hobo that uses my hands...at least I wash first...(sometimes)...---

As we head into late autumn, Daylight Savings Time plunges us into darkness at an alarmingly early hour.  We stumble out of bed in our cold, dark houses, and after a full day's work we find ourselves sitting in that old familiar blackness once again...before we even get through rush hour. By the time most families are gathered to finish homework, share a meal and get ready for the next day's routine, most of the free heat provided to our homes by the sun has radiated its way back into space.  This is the time of year that mental health professionals make their quotas, thanks to Seasonal Affective Disorder, alcoholism, and whatever other disorders stem from lack of sunlight and overexposure to crappy holiday music.  We can counteract the negative effects of the changing seasons by providing an environment that promotes warmth and togetherness, complemented by healthy, hearty meals.  Before you reach for the thermostat at night, it's time to start using the oven again.

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Summer, here in the Deep South, means that I make every excuse to avoid meals that require any baking, roasting, or broiling.  You won't find any stock pots bubbling away on my stove in mid-August, either.  I've even been known to move the toaster oven to the back porch, just to bake a potato or cook a few chicken breasts.  It's just too damned expensive to keep our old house cool during those sweltering months.  In addition to cold salads, I lean heavily on that holy trinity of summer cooking...the grill, the microwave, and the crock pot.

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As the leaves turn and the mercury plummets, it is with great pleasure that I dust off the roasting pans and the soup cauldrons.  The rutabagas, parsnips, turnips, and winter squashes that I have been missing are once again restored to my shopping list. The oven is great for all of these winter staples.  It also excels at multi-tasking...while the veggies are roasting to perfection,  leftovers can be reheated in a dish to the side...and while this is going on, some flaky fish filets can be cooking away, snugly sealed in a foil envelope on the rack below.  Grab a loaf of crusty bread from the freezer and throw it in for the last five minutes.  You get the idea...the possibilities are endless.

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Our most recent roasting session included artichokes, onions, carrots, garlic cloves, brussels sprouts, and bell pepper halves...all misted lightly with olive oil cooking spray and rubbed down with a bruised clove of garlic.  I "parboiled" the artichoke beforehand by putting it in the microwave for a few minutes in a covered pot with few millimeters of water.  For the oven, 400 degrees seems to be a good temperature setting...not so hot as to char the greener veggies, but just enough to take care of the larger chunks and any of the starchier roots...that, and it's an easy number to remember.

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A watchful eye is key...for reduced fat cooking, there's a fine line between golden perfection and having to order Chinese as you fan the smoke out of the kitchen.  If you are incorporating ingredients that require longer cooking times, I would suggest using separate roasting pans.

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Things don't have to end with the main course.  Have a cobbler standing by, or a sheet of pre-arranged cookie dough ready to pop in as dinner comes out.  Even a pot of plain old water can be used to make tea or cocoa or to fill a hot water bottle for the bed, or to humidify a dry house.  The oven doesn't care if you're cooking a 20 pound turkey or a Pop Tart, so use your imagination and take advantage of every bit of that extra heat.  This isn't so much a recipe posting as it is a suggestion to use your heat creatively to bring folks together, all the while saving on the utility bill.  Do more than cook.  It harkens back to a time when every home had a fire burning in its hearth...and that fire was the center of family life.  Once the sun went down, that was it...no central heat, no TV, no artificial light.

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Just candlelight, quilts, and conversation.

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It went beyond physical survival...it was how human beings endured the cold and the darkness with their sanity intact.  Perhaps, by using the warmth of the kitchen as a means to bring us together, we can capture a small bit of that in our own modern homes this winter.

  

The (vegetable) Butcher